btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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