and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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