glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
worst night to have a conscience
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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