We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
