I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
