Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
