We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
