is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
