Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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