I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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