Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
