In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
