Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
