PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
