It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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