Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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