I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
