let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
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