his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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