meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
