they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
