About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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