are you so shy because you have an std?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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