i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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