am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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