We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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