she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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