There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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