so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
