just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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