She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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