I wish I could teleport
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
