her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
