a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
