you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
