the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
