This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
