he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
