Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
