I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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