I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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