Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
