I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
