Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
