Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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