I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
