I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
