I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
