she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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