escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
