What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
