can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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