Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
