Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
