I could make wine with my vomit
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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