Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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