I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The air taste purple.
Randomize
