id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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