The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
