Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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