i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
