I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish I only lived at night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
