Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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