well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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