Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize