So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
whose parrot is this?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
