I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
