So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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