our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
