just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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