3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
