I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
