I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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