i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
