I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you never un-have a 4some
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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