also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is it penis luge time yet?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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