anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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