all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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