Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
