you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
