Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize