if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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