id be glad to
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize