you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
