You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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