I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
