If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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