what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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