Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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