I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
