I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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