I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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