i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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