just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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