We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
