I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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