i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Are we still banned from the library?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
