dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize