false alarm. still invincible.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
