i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
accomplished twins. life is a go
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
time to smoke my breakfast
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
