He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
