Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
