When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
